The saying, “crazy things will happen when you least expect it,” is something that has rung very true in the recent weeks of my life. Let me give you some backstory to what I am talking about. I have only had two loves in the 21 years of my existence on this earth. One was my first real relationship, contributing to my emotional and sexual awakening as a teenage girl. The second was my first true love as a young adult, the boy I once thought I wanted to marry and be with for the rest of my life. But, as most serious relationships go, the spark grew dull and died. Hearts were broken, words were exchanged, and people were cast out of each other’s lives. Up until three weeks ago, I had not spoken to either of those prominent ex’s in years. They had become ghosts of my past, mere memories.
Picture this: There I was, working as hard as I usually work as a reporter in a newsroom. It was a typical day, with nothing irregular going on. I was speedily typing up a story when, all of a sudden, a ding on my phone goes off, and I saw something I never thought I would see. There it was, a friend request on Facebook from my first love. So, being the curious person I naturally am, I accepted it. Not even seconds later, I get a personal message from him along the line of: Life has been rough for me lately but I’m trying to turn it all around, and I really miss your positive spirit. We’ve been in touch since, but nothing but casualties have been shared between our conversations.
Two weeks later, as I was yet again working on a story in my newsroom, I get the same familiar ding. I flip over my phone to realize I had received yet another friend request from my first ex ever, the one who had been my stepping stone into the rest of my love life. Here are his messages paraphrased: How have you been? I’ve been a wreck but am doing better, I miss your positive spirit.
Talk about déjà vu. Glad to know they both thought I was a positive influence on their lives. I guess they shouldn’t have ruined our relationships then!
In all seriousness though, all jokes and pettiness aside, what do you do when your ex’s want to come back into your life? The decision is really a double edged sword if you think about it. I personally decided to let bygones be bygones, to allow them both to turn over a new leaf, to forgive but never forget. I was never in an type of abusive or demeaning relationship, so I figured no real harm could be done by interacting with them again. I do recommend, however, if any ex’s who mentally or physically abused you try to come back, you should kick them to the curb and dead bolt the door. Yet, if they were once a light in your life, and carry more positive memories than negative emotions, what could hurt to grab a cup of coffee with them? Maybe I’m just reckless and a little too nosey about how their lives have been without me… but I didn’t even blink when asked out to lunch and coffee from my ex’s.
If you have found yourself in a similar situation to my own, but are unsure of what to do or how to respond to your past lover, try listing out the pros and cons of coming in contact with them again. An article from puckermob.com lists some relevant topics to ponder.
-You get to be with someone you are familiar with.
-You understand them pretty well, which helps combat uncertainty.
-They already accepted who you were once, and are aware of your flaws and strengths.
-You can easily fall into old habits that may have been the cause of your breakup in the first place.
-No amount of familiarity justifies putting yourself back into a toxic relationship.
-No matter what, you are in some form moving backwards in your life. You both have a history, and you know what they say… history tends to repeat itself.