Self Sabotage can take various forms throughout your day. You may not notice that you’re defeating yourself consciously and unconsciously. Did you hit that snooze alarm too many times and now you find yourself starting the day off on the wrong foot, waking up late and then having to rush out of your home, speeding to get to work on time? The cycle of not being at your best continues at the office: You’re more reclusive, irritable and hungry. You then grab something out of the vending machine and a cup of coffee to get you going emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Let’s flash back to waking up at home. Did you bark at your loved one when you jumped out of bed, irritated and preoccupied with getting ready as quickly as you could? Is this a normal state for you, being avoided by other’s because you’re rushing around in the morning? Worse, are they distancing themselves from you even when you’re home in the evening?
This is a scenario that gets repeated so many times during the week. The thoughts that you continually feed yourself are just as important as your actions of frantically running around in the morning at home and starting the day wrong.
Do you find yourself thinking?
- Why didn’t I just get up?
- Hell, why did I have to start out the day like this?
- I can’t believe I yelled at my husband. What a jerk I am!
- Who’d want to be around me?
- What’s wrong with me, why do I keep doing this?
- I hate myself!
- I’m driving everybody away.
Yes, the domino effect of oversleeping and rushing may be minor, but cumulatively, you find yourself feeling worthless and flawed. When you feel that self loathing, your brain in turn keeps feeding you dose after dose of destructive messages, adding more to your fears of rejection, stress, frustration, and anger.
Being harsh and critical of yourself only compounds the destructiveness of your actions. When you feel unloved, unworthy, and undeserving, you bring down your energy and ability to make productive choices. Perhaps to ease strains, you avoid making friends at work, you drink more at home, escape further into the world of social media…you find yourself becoming more and more edgy and unhappy.
These examples have everything to do with your need for awareness. Yes, awareness is the first step to manifest the best you to enjoy the life you envision.
The following tips are suggested to stimulate a sense of hope and begin to allow the EXTRAORDINARY person within you to show up, enhancing the love and acceptance of yourself and others:
- Increase your awareness for positive changes in your thoughts, feelings, and actions –
- For at least one day during the workweek and one day during the weekend, record on your phone or writing pad when you notice yourself feeling: angry, frustrated, confused, sad, impatient, stressed,etc.
- When you catch yourself blaming and berating yourself, write the exact words you said or thought to yourself.
- Make a commit to change – Saying “yes” to yourself and writing that commitment strengthens and reminds you of your goal. It also helps to activate your energy to help you be motivated and to provide hope. involves focusing on moment-to-moment awareness without judgment. When you allow perceptions of yourself and others to be free of judgment and criticism, you are choosing healthier and more loving ways to respond. If you cannot re-frame a situation in a supportive way, then strive for being neutral; you don’t have to fall into the trap of positive and negative thoughts. Instead begin to view all thoughts and perceptions as being supportive and nurturing vs. critical and self sabotaging. In other words are your words, the decision, and the actions you take helping you or preventing you from having the love you desire?
“Mamiko Odegard, Ph.D. is the leading authority on having successful love, relationships, and high performance by helping you to avoid and overcome self sabotage. With over 30 years of experience as a professional life and business coach, psychologist, and individual and couples therapist, she helps you live your best life. She was named the 2012 Worldwide Professional Coach of the Year. When you want changes in hours and days, Mamiko is the go to person.Mamiko is the author of her soon to be released book, Overcoming Self Sabotage: How to Claim Your Best Self for Your Ultimate Life. She is also the international best selling author of Daily Affirmations for Love: 365 Days of Love in Thought and Action, and is married to the love of her life, Greg.
As a special for Smartfem readers, ACT on Love™ now by calling Dr. Mamiko at 480-391-1184 to schedule your complimentary consultation. Start living the life you deserve!”
- Let go of past mistakes and forgive yourself. You can’t do anything about your past actions or what has happened to you. Neither does it help to wonder and worry about what could happen in the future or continue to punish yourself. After you acknowledge your wrongdoing, and then write a loving letter to yourself and release emotionally and physically. You can even perform a symbolic ritual to remind you of freeing yourself and gaining closure. Forgiving yourself and others is an act of kindness and love.
- ACT on Love™ – Embrace and celebrate the “new improved version” of yourself. Take small steps to ensure your successful progression to your goals. Each step you take leads you to your magnificence and the ability to have the all-important relationship with yourself and those around you.
When you love yourself, all things are possible. You’ll find yourself smiling and laughing more, being gentler and kinder, and being more connected with others. When you truly love and value yourself, you think and make choices that result in your highest self and your ultimate life.