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Gone Fishing

I’m single and I’ve found the older I get the more selective I become. I am seriously sick of going on date after date, feeling my sanity ripped from me one cheesy pick up line at a time. So I’ve jumped on the online dating bandwagon, not by choice but out of necessity. I fear I am one bad date away from becoming “that girl” You know the one who keeps to herself, eats gallons of ice cream, home alone on a Friday night while knitting sweaters for her six cats. I refuse, I am far too fabulous for that life.

Online dating is like a beautiful train wreck. It is the incredibly bizarre married to a significant confidence booster. I’ve been called pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, insanely hot, sexy (ew) and an “angel that fell from heaven” (puke) I’m feeling really great about my physical appearance. I’m totally vain now and I feel as though I’ve got it goin’ on! (sarcasm at it’s finest, folks) This may shock you but I’ve received over 300 emails in 24 hours! Most of which, sucked. Only 2 men have caught my eye with their witty attempt to pique my interest. I’ve taken the liberty and jotted down a few “suggestions” for the men that may be reading this. I would highly recommend taking this into consideration and forwarding this little nugget of insanely valuable information to your man friends. This could help with all avenues of dating, not just for the internet super highway.

- Make sure to spell everything correctly on your profile. I’m a writer, so I probably pay more attention to spelling and grammar than most people, but I feel that you appear incredibly uneducated if you can’t spell correctly. If you’re not even paying enough attention to detail to proofread your online dating profile, then how are you going to pay adequate enough attention to a partner? Just a thought.

- Men, write something of substance when initiating a first contact email with a woman. If your subject line says “hi” or “hello” I’m going to assume that you’re boring and lack creativity. In which case, I’m not interested. Simply emailing to say “What’s up” is not acceptable. I don’t want to be approached like one of your bro’s. I’m a lady and you should treat me as such. If you’re asking me if I want to meet in you in your first email…the answer is “HELL NO!” We know absolutely nothing about each other! I’m going to make an educated guess and assume you’re either just wanting to have sex or kill me…perhaps both. Either way, it’s not going to happen. I feel like this is common sense, but you never know.

- Don’t send me an email just to tell me that all vegetarian chicks have issues. This is why you’re single and probably has a lot to do with why you’re on an online dating website. I’m assuming this is also why your profile says “I guess I’m back.” Really, weird…because you’re such a dynamic person! NOT. If you’re concerned about something in a woman’s profile, then don’t initiate contact with her. This is also known as a “Red Flag.” I don’t feel the need to elaborate further.

- Airing your dirty sexual laundry in “public” is super creepy. Writing about your specific fetish that happens to be incredibly freaking creepy is…well, incredibly freaking creepy. I get that you’re warning us before we get involved in a conversation with you, but WOW. Don’t they have specific fetish websites for this? This particular individual also requests that his lady friend not have any guy friends, will only spend her time with him, never drink a drop of alcohol (this where I started laughing), live with him right away, and never leave his side. Good luck, buddy. Somewhere out there is an insecure, super codependent girl with daddy issues, who has your name written all over her…literately, she will most likely tattoo your name on her body. Whew, I’m glad I dodged that bullet.

- Calling me sexy before we’ve done the nasty is considered an indignity, or so it is in my eyes. I am more than just a rockin’ body with awesome boobs and a great ass (I told you, online dating has made me vain). If you don’t know me, approach me with respect. Women have been singing about this for years, men. Get a clue.

- The bathroom mirror, cell phone photo, with your shirt off is great (not), but try to post some pictures that aren’t a blatant display of your results from “The Situations” work out plan. Also, if all of your pictures are clearly taken by you then I am going to go ahead and assume you have no friends, thus having no real life. Let your personality shine through in your picture selection. I want to see a guy who is dynamic and has a wide array of interest…and friends. I can’t commit to a guy who no friends. Stage 5 clinger, anyone?

Still wading. . .

Why Me?

September 7, 2011 by  
Filed under Relationships

Honestly, I am becoming very pessimistic about finding an appropriate partner via the online dating community. I’ve been “fishing” for about three weeks and I’ve yet to interact with a man that has any kind of intellectual prowess. I swear, men need to be pre-screened before they are allowed to have a profile on any dating site. I’m usually maintain a “glass half full” mentality, but lately my glass has sprung a leak. I’m fearing that negative thoughts have taken over my mind about dating in general. I’m a hopeless romantic and I’ve always wanted to find a man that will sweep my off my feet. However, with what I’ve come across while participating in the online dating community I’m beginning to think the fairytale is just that, a fairytale. I have more advice for the men that might should be reading this.

- Dudes, the only people that are impressed with your motorcycle and/or super pimped out truck pictures are other dudes. These are not appropriate for your online dating profile and very few women could generally care less about your “toys” In fact, they will probably just annoy us more than anything.

- Speaking of pictures, we get that you have muscles and we get that you want to show them off, but seriously give us a break. I’m starting to think the only reason you show off your half naked bodies is to get the women on these sites to think it’s a good idea to do that same. This is not a “tit for tat” situation and I only play that game with guys I’ve known at least a day or two. (kidding, relax)

- Please put more than 2.5 seconds into your screen name. I’ve received messages from “Conman69″ and “PimpDaddy79″ today. That has loser written all over it and I feel like I’m probably going to get robbed at gunpoint and at any moment sold into human trafficking. If I’m going to be turning tricks, I am going to do it on my own time and I will be damned if my pimp is getting half my monies! I will take my chances elsewhere, like the corners in Vegas or the ghettos of Russia.

Here are some more super legit screen names I’ve run across.

“UpWind”, this just makes me think of farting which is not something you want you’re potential date associating you with.

“RockDad68″ In case you’re wondering, this is code. Yes, he is a dad. Yes, he does indeed, rock. (or at least he has pictures of him “rocking”) and you guessed it, 68 is his birth year. A tad too old for me. Good try, RockDad68, but you need to stick to the cougar end of the wading pool.

“BackFire64″ What exactly backfired? Your life? I’m assuming my guess is the correct one.

“PraiseAndWorshipper” My first assumption was that he goes to church until I saw his religious status said “Atheist” Devil worship was so 2001, dude, come on!!!

Needless to say – I’ve learned to use and appreciate the blocking tool.

Still fishing…

Green Stiletto Salt Scrub

My new green obsession is eco-friendly exfoliating. If you haven’t been exfoliating, it’s life changing and you must make this recipe for my Green Salt Scrub immediately. Exfoliating has many benefits. It reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, (any woman’s arch nemesis) unclogs your pores, improves the texture of dull skin and helps keep your skin healthy, thus helping to prevent breakouts! Exfoliating will also help you retain that gorgeous tan you’ve been working so hard on if you exfoliate before rubbing on your sunscreen.

Naturally, I took a look at the ingredients in my salt scrub and I had a mini-heart attack! Nitrosamines – What on earth is that and why is it in my salt scrub?! I did some research on organic/green salt scrubs and they were shockingly expensive. I don’t want to pay $20+ for anything, let alone something I am going to use so up quickly. I exfoliate every day. The “experts” are divided on this issue. Some say it’s good to exfoliate every day, some say it’s bad for you. If you haven’t figured it out, I march to the beat of my own drum. So, I exfoliate every day and I love the way my skin looks!

So, What are you waiting for?

Green Stiletto Salt Scrub

1 cups of fine sea salt
2 cups of almond oil or olive oil
10 drops of lavender oil (I use tea tree oil but not everyone loves the medicinal smell)

Mix everything in a glass jar (reuse something laying around the house or visit a Goodwill) Jump in the shower and scrub away!! You will step out of the shower looking more radiant than ever!

I appreciate how inexpensive the ingredients are for the Green Stiletto Salt Scrub in comparison to a jar of the fancy stuff. Green Stiletto Girls are not brand snobs. We reuse, shop at thrift stores and make our own beauty products. We are completely independent and unbelievably eco-friendly.

Happy Exfoliating!


Shop Because You Can

April 9, 2011 by  
Filed under Beauty & Fashion

I bet you’re saying to yourself, “Emily, how am I supposed to go green and stay ridiculously fabulous?” Well, let me tell you that I LOVE fashion. I love fashion more than some people love their pets and I try to incorporate new pieces into my wardrobe weekly. I am constantly approached by passersby complimenting my choice of outfits and a personal stylist actually asked me to co-write her book because she was impressed with my “savvy sense of style.” I’ll share a secret with you, I shop almost exclusively at consignment shops, thrift stores and Goodwill. Yeah, it’s true.

Two things happened when I changed the way I approached shopping. First, I saved a ridiculous amount of money. It’s sickening how much I use to spend on clothes, shoes and accessories. When I tracked my spending for six months on the non-essentials I almost fainted. In fact, I almost died. While I won’t share the exact dollar amount with you it is near the $5,000 range. I almost fainted again by just typing that. I was appalled and told myself there had to be a cheaper way. That’s when my mom introduced me to the glorious world of consignment.

Second, I significantly reduced my environmental impact. By recycling clothing I am making almost no impact on our precious earth. Beside the fact I am saving a ton of cash and being green, I am supporting local charities and families. I am all about supporting my local community. It makes me feel really good to know the families that significantly benefit when I spend my hard earned money in their shops.

Another great way to incorporate new pieces into your fabulous wardrobe is to trade clothing with your girlfriends. Grab a few bottles of wine, make some brownies, throw your clothes in a pile on the floor and let the “shopping” begin. Fortunately enough for me, my girlfriends and I are all the same size. It’s like the “Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants,” but not really. If some of the pieces you find do not fit correctly, get them altered. You’re getting a garment for free, why not spend a little money at your local tailor to make it fit you fabulously? When you’re done, donate the clothes that didn’t make the cut to Goodwill.

Take some time this week to peruse your local consignment shops, thrift shops and Goodwill. I am almost certain you will be pleasantly surprised at what you discover!

Java Buzz

April 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Home

If you’re anything like me, you need a jolt of caffeine to get your mind and body functioning properly in the morning. Without my morning brew I am a foggy mess most of the day. Oddly enough, If I don’t get my morning “pick me up,” I walk around in a haze until around 6pm and then I get this crazy burst of energy that lasts until midnight. It vexes me to my very core.

I’ve gotten into the unfortunate habit of frequenting coffee shops to get my morning java fix. I have a coffee pot/espresso machine that was very expensive and super fabulous but admittedly, I’m addicted to the spunky coffee shop creations that I’m too lazy to make myself. Another reason I like to go to coffee shops for my morning brew is to get up and out of the house. I work from home so if I’m not careful I get tunnel vision and I end up working in my pajamas most of the day. One thing that recently came to my attention is the amount of paper cups from the coffee shops that I’ve used over the course of a month. One of my main concerns is that disposable coffee cups cannot be recycled because paper cups are coated with polyethylene for insulation and durability. It’s also a suspected carcinogen and coffee lids are also made of the same plastic. While your lid may prevent your coffee from spilling, it also offers the perfect environment for chemical leaching by combining hot acidic fluid with plastic. Translation: You’re being poisoned. I don’t want to be poisoned so I started searching for options to replace the paper cups. The most obvious solution came to me one morning, you can bring your own cup to your local coffee shop and they will fill it. SmartFem CEO Lea Haben is the person that made me aware of this. I met her at a coffee shop for a meeting and there she was with her cute white and baby pink reusable mug. She just stared at me with a shocked expression when I explained I didn’t know you could bring in your own mug. Starbucks will even take ten cents off your drink if you bring in a cup. This doesn’t seem like a lot but “a penny saved is a penny earned” …or whatever. The main reason this is beneficial is the paper resources that you’re saving by opting not to use one of their deposable cups. Just make sure you opt for a BPA free reusable cup!

This might seem inconvenient but you’ll feel great by doing something small for the environment that will make a big impact! That is the whole point of the Green Stiletto Project, to implementing small fabulous steps that make a big difference, and look fabulous doing it!

Dish Water, Showers and Trash Bags! Oh My!

March 25, 2011 by  
Filed under Home

Have you been wearing your Green Stilettos? It can be hard to break in a new pair of shoes and changing your habits can be a tricky little game.

I have three small steps you can take around your house to help manage your environmental impact.

Dish Water:

I am reading this amazing book called “The Green Book” by Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas M. Kostigen and was blown away by this factoid about dishwashers:

“Run full loads in your dishwasher and save energy, and don’t pre-rinse your dishes before putting them in. Do both and you’ll save up to 20 gallons of water per dish load, or 7,300 gallons over a year. That’s as much water as the average person drinks in an lifetime. (If you must hand wash, turn off the tap while you scrub)”

You read that correctly, seven thousand three hundred gallons over the course of ONE year! This is the easiest tip I have ever seen. It cuts down on your personal effort because now you have an excuse not to pre rinse and saves twenty gallons of water per load. Consider it done. Next, please.

Shower Time:

Did you know that every two minutes you shower you use around 10 gallons of water? Imagine if everyone in America was able to cut down on their shower time. If everyone in the United States saved a measly one gallon of water a day from their shower, annually it would equal twice the amount of freshwater we draw from the Great Lakes every single day. The Great Lakes are the world’s largest source of freshwater and I don’t know about you but we should definitely conserve this precious resource.


You should be using the reusable bags we talked about in my previous article when you go shopping, but realistically I know this isn’t always possible. So, what do you do with the plastic bags you end up with? Use them as trash can liners! This will reduce the cost of buying trash can liners which generally cost around five dollars. It cuts down on waste and saves you money. 2 birds, 1 stone!

Take these three simple steps and they can make an astronomical difference in our environment. Go get ‘em gorgeous!

The Green Stiletto Project

February 8, 2011 by  
Filed under Home

Listen up, ladies. There is a huge misconception that being green means sacrificing yourself to the Hippie Gods. Going green doesn’t mean you have to stop shaving your pits and wear patchouli. In fact, I implore you to shave your armpits, legs and wherever else hair grows where hair should not be on a woman. I started The Green Stiletto Project as a way to spread the news about being eco-friendly while staying fabulous. Don’t sacrifice your beauty, fashion sense and overall sanity by going green. It doesn’t have to be hard, time consuming or smelly. Yeah, I said smelly. You understand. There are simple baby steps you can take to change your habits that will greatly impact our environment and your overall health. So, put on your “Green” Stilettos and let’s do this!

Baby Steps:

Let’s start with two simple changes that you’ve heard a million times, yet still aren’t listening to.

First thing first. I’m going to let Oprah tug on your heart strings. Watch this video.

1) Stop buying bottled water. It’s just water. Honestly, contrary to popular belief, bottled water is no healthier for you than tap water. In the U.S. more than 60 million plastic water bottles are thrown away each day. Where do most of those end up? You guessed it, the trash bog in the middle of the Pacific. There are many alternatives to bottled water that are just as convenient. Buy a water filter and a reusable metal water bottle and voila! Problem solved. You can still have filtered water and you still have a bottle to throw in your gym bag.

You can buy most water filters for less than $32 and they come in a variety of colors. Do it, you’ll be happy you did.

Reusable metal water bottles can be purchased online or local sporting goods stores and they also come in a variety of colors and designs. I really like the colorful ones, as they bring out the teenage girl in me.

2) Bring reusable bags when you go shopping. I never leave home without my reusable bags. I’ve collected several throughout the years and they rather resemble a group of mismatched socks at the bottom of the sock drawer. They’re not pretty but they get the job done. I’ve considered getting new bags to match but then I’m just refuting the purpose of ranting.

Most grocery stores sell reusable bags at the register for as little as a dollar. For the more stylish consumer you can also purchase designer bags online.

By making two simple changes you can make a huge impact on OUR environment, and you will make Oprah proud. I don’t know about you but that alone makes me want to change.

Make sure to check your SmartFem daily for updates on green living and being fabulous!