Can your relationship after an affair ever truly be resolved with love and passion restored? When you and your partner’s true intentions and conscious loving actions are demonstrated, hope can turn into lasting love, passion, and fidelity in your relationship.
In many cases, when the relationship is toxic with repeated violations of broken promises and irreparable mistrust, the healthy choice and often the best choice is to end the relationship. However, having worked with thousands of individuals and couples, positive changes are indeed possible.
The secrets of recovering from an affair:
- Essential communication and support. As soon as you find out that your partner has cheated on you, you are overcome with intense emotions: Confusion, questioning your own femininity and desirability, and second-guessing yourself and your partner, which leads to even more hurt. Openly communicate your pain. Your partner’s job is to listen and to show you understand, caring and compassion.
- Being honest. When your partner catches you in the act or asks you questions about the affair, answer questions honestly and thoroughly. This can help both the hurting partner and the partner who stepped outside the relationship. Nothing gets resolved by hiding or denying what has happened.
- Understand why the affair occurred. It’s important that each of you understand how and why the infidelity occurred. Did it start out innocently in confiding with a co-worker or did opportunities simply arise when the two of you were able to travel alone together? Perhaps, one or both of you were becoming bored with your relationship or that you didn’t feel prioritized by the other?
- Avoid blaming your partner. Have you ever witnessed blaming to be an effective technique for building closeness and intimacy? The answer is a resounding “NO!” Blaming fuels the hurt and anger and your partner may justify becoming angry and defensive.
- Take responsibility for your part in the relationship. Your partner who committed the transgression must fully tale responsibility for his actions. You must also be willing to acknowledge your contributions to the problems in the relationship.
- Be willing to change. Rather than simply waiting for your partner to change his feelings and behaviors towards you, it’s critical that you also change, thereby affecting your partner.
- Be willing to apologize. This is the necessary precursor to forgiving yourself and/or your partner to allow you to become closer.
- Be willing to let go and forgive. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Rather you exercise the choice to forgive, which is a gift for you and for your man.
As long as love, respect, and commitment to each other are still intact, your relationship can survive and even thrive after an affair. It takes cooperation, patience, forgiveness, and learning from the past to make the necessary changes to allow your love to bloom again.