girl crying over boyBreakups are never easy and they can take a long time to heal from.  No one wants to feel inadequate, lose a close friend or think something is wrong with you.  However, that is where the fault lies.  You are great, whether you are male or female, and if someone does not appreciate it then it is their loss.  All the quirks, obsessive-compulsive mannerisms and snoring make you, you.

Most of us have had a few breakups by our early 20s and even more as life progresses.  I think what we can all agree on is the need for honesty, respect and kindness.  If a guy is going to break up with you there should at least be closure with honesty.  No, we are not going to get back together or yes, this is really over.  They should NOT be mean and belittle you, you’re already in a fragile state.  Lastly, and possibly most important, is breakup in person.  How disrespectful is it to not even honor someone presence for such an important decision.

For some, a breakup is unavoidable and usually unpleasant due to the guys just dancing around what they want to say to try and lessen the blow.  Our Smartfem team decided to ask regular women about their breakup experiences.

I was flooded with responses when I asked women about what they’ve been told during a breakup.  Everyone wanted to share their tidbit.  What was even worse was how similar all the lines were to one another!  There was of course the typical “it’s not you, it’s me” which is used surprisingly more than one would think but, there was a lot of, “someone should appreciate you,”  “I think you can do better than me,” or “you shouldn’t settle for a guy like me.”  One of the most entertaining answers was “my sister doesn’t like you.” I appreciate the honesty but let’s make decisions ourselves, shall we?

There were a few people with more personal stories.

breakupA woman who had been dating a guy for over six months received a phone call one night, after spending the entire day with him, saying he wanted to break up.  She recalls his exact words being, “I love you, but I don’t want a girlfriend right now.  If I did it would be you.”  What’s even more frightening than that is another girl that wrote in said her ex said something similar.  Are these two brothers?

Another woman, a bit younger,  was in the process of getting her life together and moved away from her boyfriend temporarily with plans to be together in the near future.  They had a pretty stable relationship and had been together over a year.  He told her, “I can’t handle this with the distance, and it would be a lot of work.”   He finished it with, “I want you to be my girlfriend but it’s a lot to think about.”   I’d like to know what there was there to think about.

An alpha female also had a story to share.  Insisting on having the last word in her most recent breakup she demanded clarification and reasoning behind the it, as she should.  His response was almost comical, “how did I hurt you? Isn’t that how things work? I thought something was, that wasn’t what I thought, so I’m sorry.  Thanks for the guilt trip.”

There were quite a few one line gems:

girl putting heart in trash“I do love you…I’m just not in love with you.”

“I fell out of love with you.”

“Maybe we can get back together.”

“These have been the best two months of my life.”

“I think it would be better right now if we were just friends.” And the coat-tail to that, “we can still be friends with benefits right?”  Honestly, where does that nerve even come from?

“I only dated you because you looked desperate.” and

“You were just another chapter in my life.”

Crossing out Lies and writing Truth on a blackboard.Breakups are inevitable, not every relationship leads to marriage, and there is nothing wrong with having fun and exploring feelings when they arise.  It’s hard, and guys say some ridiculous things in an attempt to save our feelings but I think what everyone wants is the straight truth.  Make sure a decision is what you want, talk about it like adults and get everything out then move on.  The man is not the plan for everyone, but you never know-the right guy could be just around the corner with an even cheesier pick up line.  Don’t forget, send us some silly things guys or girls have said to you in a break up!