Virginity, it’s a taboo and private subject to discuss. In fact, our society is so afraid to talk about losing your virginity that we often give the act cute little names like, Losing your V card, Deflowering, and Popping your Cherry.
Losing your virginity is more than a cute name. It’s the the foundation for sexual experience , and that’s what is important to understand. It’s not losing something, it’s gaining experience.
By talking about virginity to women like it’s a frightening act and to men like it’s how they gain their manhood, we limit the ability to have a discussion about the subject, reverting to little nicknames and closeted conversations. Really, by making this subject so restricted we cheat ourselves out of the healthy dialog.
Through all my conversations about virginity I’ve noticed one fact that makes or breaks whether or not someone actually has a good experience. Socially, virginity loss has a lot of rules, but we’re missing the most important one! What is it? Lets dive in…
We’ll look at virginity like a trip to Europe. It’s rather understood that when one goes to Europe they should go with someone they like. It’s also understood that no-one would force you to go on a trip you didn’t want to take, and instead you would go when you were ready. It’s also understood that when someone goes to Europe they do it when the timing works out for them, when it fits best into their life.
So now we’re set for a good trip to Europe, right? We’re going with someone we love and when the timing is right for us. But what about when the trip and the experience is over?
You wouldn’t take a trip to Europe with your best friend and then never talk to them about it ever again would you? That’s crazy!
So why lose your virginity to someone you will never see again. Putting aside the whole one-night-stand thing, your virginity is an experience, like taking a trip.
Here is the new recommended rule:
To ensure a healthy and happy pre and post virginity experience one should ask themselves- If I enjoy this experience with this person, will I see the person AT LEAST ten times after?
Ten times, allows you to think about the experience and how it relates to your own growth as a person. Look, losing your virginity isn’t a huge deal, but it’s an experience. Treat it like that trip to Europe.
Thinking about seeing someone ten times after gives you the ability to think long term about the person with whom you are sharing the experience, it gives it value. When you think long term like that, you ensure that your experience will be filled with quality; a memorable one! Like the trip to Europe, you don’t want to be the person who has an experience and then says “Oh it doesn’t matter I’m choosing to forget about it”
Let’s be frank- sex is a two way street. Knowing that you will see that other person 10 more times gives you the ability to have ownership over a good experience.
Seeing someone once is easy, even five times is still plausible but ten times makes the experience real and valid.
Truthfully, no one should go on a trip to Europe and then be forced to forget about it. By adding this rule to the dialog about virginity we can change the conversation about how virginity effects both parties. Sometimes it’s not always about what happens in the bedroom, but what happens after.
The ten times rule focuses on the experience of virginity. By following it one not only guarantees a healthy experience during the ordeal, but ensures positive encounters during the relationship thereafter.
This is not a rule that just men or just women should follow, but all genders and sexual orientations, because really what this rule enforces is the value of the human experience… and that is never limited to gender.
Keeping this new rule in mind allows for a healthy and mutually giving experience between you and your partner.