TRUtalk: Facebook “Flames” and Office Flirtation

“You can find love if you open your heart to the possibilities.”

Leslee Alexander Gibbs is the founder of TRUmatch, the top matchmaking firm in Arizona, and is considered an expert in the field of dating, relationships and LOVE!  Join Leslee as she shares with you her lessons in life; her reflections on the past and vision for the future.  With you, she will uncover the mysteries of what men really want in a woman and give men the insight to understand women.

“Love is my passion and I am proud to share with you my thoughts, my heart and my words… I call it TRUtalk.” - Leslee Alexander Gibbs

VISIT MYTRUMATCH.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Dear TRUtalk,

I found my husband chatting with a former girlfriend on Facebook. He acted nervous and did not fess up about who he was talking to. Should I confront him? Do you think he is cheating?

Dear “Chatting,”

It is not uncommon for former flames to reconnect on Facebook, that alone is not a reason for concern. What seems more alarming is that he acted nervous and did not disclose who he was chatting with. That is dishonest and sneaky. You need to initiate a conversation with him without sounding accusatory. You can do this by telling him of a recent situation where an old friend of yours reached out to you on Facebook. Hopefully, it will open the door for him to offers his own story. If he does, he seems forthright.  If he does not, then you need to be more direct and tell him what you saw. Be assertive in your approach without being too aggressive, showing aggression is a situation like this only puts your man on the defensive and then he will close down. Keep the dialogue going until you get the answers you need. You will know by his responses if you have reason for concern but my guess is, it’s innocent reminiscing.

 

Dear TRUtalk,

There is this hot guy at work who flirts with me during the work day but never actually asks me out. He’s always saying “he owes me a drink”, we talk about going out all the time but it never happens. Should I be more aggressive and ask him out?

Dear “Flirt,”

No, No and No…Do NOT ask him out. In fact, my thought is that you might already be too aggressive without realizing it. Men are drawn to a woman who is interested but not always available. You have already made it clear to him you are interested, but my concern is you have made yourself too available.  Continue to flirt with him but do not be too eager to go out with him. Next time he says, “I owe you a drink,” change your response from, “Sure I’d love to” to,  “Someday we’ll make that happen. I have been crazy busy lately,” and then walk away. Changing your response will change his approach with you!  It is human nature to want the unattainable, so become unattainable and watch how quickly he will book a date to buy you that drink.

In love,

Leslee

VISIT MYTRUMATCH.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.

You can reach out to Leslee Alexander Gibbs of TRUmatch via email at lagibbs@MyTRUmatch.com or on Facebook with your questions or ideas on dating, relationships, and matchmaking. Leslee will of course honor all requests for anonymity.  Check back here on SmartFem for more of Leslee’s expertise and advice on dating and relationships.

        

TRUtalk with Leslee Alexander Gibbs

“You can find love if you open your heart to the possibilities.”

Leslee Alexander Gibbs is the founder of TRUmatch, the top matchmaking firm in AZ, and is considered an expert in the field of dating, relationships and LOVE!  Join Leslee as she shares with you her lessons in life; her reflections on the past and vision for the future.  With you, she will uncover the mysteries of what men really want and give you the insight you need to understand women.

“Love is my passion and I am proud to share with you my thoughts, my heart and my words… I call it TRUtalk.” - Leslee Alexander Gibbs

Visit MyTRUmatch.com for more information.

Dear TRUtalk,

I have been single for more than 5 years and it is growing old. I want to have a life partner but it is so difficult to meet a good man. My girlfriend and I go out all the time but never seem to meet anyone. Am I doing something wrong? Where can I go to meet a quality guy?

Dear “Fiver,”

It does not matter where you go to meet a man, what does matter is how you approach it. You can have a huge change in your results by making a slight change in your behavior. Here are  3 secrets to get you noticed:

• When you “go out with the girls,” choose a place that lends itself to an after work crowd.

• Do not sit down in the main dining area. Stay in a neutral location (patio, lounge, etc.) that is a high traffic area.

• Last but most importantly, keep yourself open! Do not get so engaged in “girl talk” that you appear closed off to your surroundings. Make eye contact with people (men AND women) as they enter the room. Give them a gentle smile. This gets you noticed as being friendly and open. Get up from the table occasionally, making yourself available to conversation and take an opportunity to initiate conversation when possible.

Too often a “girls night out” turns into a quiet dinner and intimate conversation – reserve those moments for dates. A night out with friends should be fun and engaging- change your objective and you will change your results!

 

Dear TRUtalk,

“I recently met a guy and we totally connect–physically, intellectually…totally mutual…everything is great. But there’s one problem…he is nearly 40 and wants to have a child of his own…but I feel like that part of my life is done. Is there any way around such a problem? Even if we split, there’s no telling if he or I will meet someone as compatible…Can a dealbreaker become a dealmaker?”

Dear Compatible,

I work with individuals each day on determining what they are looking for in a match. Each person has their own “must haves” that are important in their dating lives. Having children or wanting to have children is one of the most important decisions you can make in your adult life. To say that you are compatible with someone in every way except on one of the most important core issues makes you not compatible.  If you move forward with the relationship it would become such a source of frustration and, ultimately, heartbreak for both of you that I say walk away while you still can. You might not find someone as compatible as you are together but I am confident you will find someone who shares your future vision and that is more important.

Teen Dating and Warning Signs of Abuse

When we first start dating around the age of 16, we are not mature enough to know potential signs of abuse in a relationship. We are usually very excited that someone is attracted to us and wants to take us on a date. We dress up and look forward to this new experience. If you come from a healthy home environment then sometimes it can be difficult to be aware of the fact that this date might want to hurt you. We are usually in “lust” not love because we have not yet experienced real love.

These are the warning signs;

• Gets serious too fast and may tell you that they love you.
• Checks up on you through e-mails, text messages, Facebook, etc.
• Acts jealous or possessive of your other friendships or relationships with your family members.
• Tries to isolate you from people and doesn’t want to share.
• Can be very bossy or controlling. He or she wants to make all the decisions for you and not listen to your feelings.
• This person may have unpredictable moods and you worry about how to react with him or her.
• Your friends warn you and so does your family about this person
• This date will blame you for making him or her mad and not look at their behavior.
• This date may be using drugs or alcohol as an excuse for their abuse.
• This date will pressure you for sex even if you say no.
• This date will always apologize for their behavior if they hurt you physically or emotionally by buying flowers or a gift.

If you experience any of these signs then break up immediately.  Make sure you tell someone like a teacher, counselor, or parent what is happening. Let your trusted friend know where you are at all times. Do not break up in an isolated place. Try to have a friend or someone around that could help you if they are abusive. Keep a cell phone on for a crisis code word for your family or friend if you are in danger. Break up in a public place. Make sure you change your routine around since they will know it. Never get back together even if they say they changed and got help.

These are suggestions from experts on the cycle of violence and domestic violence.

If our parents live this life, then you are also repeating the same pattern because its familiar, but you don’t have too with the right information and knowledge. The next article will be about healthy relationships.

Checklist for Dating in Your Twenties

As a student in my twenties people often question my relationship status over cups of coffee. It is simply a natural question that is normal for friends and acquaintances to inquire on, but for some reason when I say the horrible ‘s word’ (single) I instantly wish I could take it back. If I say that I am single I feel them look at me with sympathy like I am extremely lonely or desperately searching for a sole mate. Honestly though, I am so beyond happy at the point I am at right now that I am the furthest from being alone. I always try to explain that I am not ignoring the world of dating, but I am simply not actively pursuing a serious relationship at the time.

Now, that doesn’t mean I sit at home on the weekends scouring through fashion blogs, though I do tend to do this on occasion, I feel that I have a promising social and dating life as a young adult beginning to create a life and career of my own.

I love meeting new people and going out with new guys, but of course I have myself a little checklist that must be met within the first few dates or else he is a no-go. And no, this isn’t a checklist for marriage, but more or less for if I even see us being compatible enough to throughly enjoy our time together.

√  Educated - For me this is the biggest attribute a guy can offer. I don’t bring a sudoku on the first date and request him to finish it before we can order, but seeing that a guy has or is working towards a full education is vital to me. By education I don’t just mean book smarts though, as a journalism major is it imperative that he is also knowledgable on social issues and the present world around him. I feel that I work hard to continually improve my education and if the person I am in a relationship with is not willing to also work towards this, I have a hard time seeing us together down the road.

√  Respectful - This is also a huge attribute that I feel a guy should have. Along with a vast education, a guy must not only be respectful to me but also to the world around us. I feel that many guys are no only sexist but also quite rude today, and I can’t stand to be around that negative energy for more than a few minutes – so the possibility of a future for us as a couple would be extremely limited. Having mutual respect in a relationship is also a basis for trust to me, I feel that most guys that are respectful for women are also very trusting and this helps me to be able to fully trust them.

√  Ambitious - I would say this is the third largest attribute I search for in a man. I proud myself on being extremely ambitious in with my education and I am quite ambitious plans for my future, so for me if a guy is not equally ambitious there is no way it can work. I don’t want to say that he must be the CEO of a company, but I must be with someone who is constantly aspiring for more and dreams of being the best person he can be. I honestly wan the most out of life and I feel that unless the person I am dating is also interested in reaching for the stars then we cannot be in a relationship.

Ladies of the twenties, if you don’t have yourself a little checklist of compatibility I suggest you start one immediately. Even if you play the game a little bit off of your list, have a checklist to make sure you don’t cave on any of your relationship aspirations three months down the road – plus it can save you quite a lot of time!

 

Pale Gurl – “Serial Monogamist”

­I’ve never been good at dating.  I am what most would refer to as a serial monogamist.  I’ve had only a few boyfriends in my 32 years on this earth and each relationship has lasted at least three years.  In my younger years, my love life resembled the plot to a John Hughes movie of the 1980’s.  My relationships always began with being friends with a guy who would attempt to date all of my other friends.  After they turned him down, he would confess that he has secretly been in love with me all along.

My longest relationship lasted eight or nine years.  I’m not quite sure the exact amount of time we dated because I stopped counting after he left me to spend a summer in Europe alone.  To most women that would be a red flag, but to me, it was an opportunity to get better acquainted with my cat and to use the bathroom with the door open.   I overlooked many red flags in our relationship, which I now regret, but chalk up to the old saying, “live and learn.”  Having been with him since I was 20 years old, I was naïve.  I also felt trapped since we had decided in 2006 to leave all our family and friends in our home state of Minnesota and start a new life together in Arizona.  Therefore, I let myself believe that it was normal for a guy to have a lock on his cell phone and bring it with him everywhere he went…even in the shower.   And although I found it odd that he only befriended females, I accepted his explanation that he just got along better with women because they were smarter than most men.  I was also supportive as he spent eight years attempting to obtain his associate’s degree.  Even after he quit his job to attend Scottsdale Community College, I stuck by him.  Go Artichokes!  However, it was during that time that our relationship began to crumble.  He became friends with a vegan art student named, Valerie.  Despite the obvious ridiculousness of someone considering herself an art student at a community college, I accepted their friendship and trusted that it was a strictly platonic relationship between two people in their late 20’s who had yet to graduate college because they spent their late teens and early 20’s doing ecstasy and getting tribal tattoos.

A year later, I realized I was wrong.  After accidentally leaving his email open on my computer in early September of 2009, I saw an email exchange between him and Valerie.  In it, they described in great detail the relationship they really had and their gratuitous references to each other’s body parts made me question why they weren’t majoring in anatomy with a minor in gross.  Despite having seen his affair in writing, he still denied that their relationship was inappropriate.  I, however, was no longer in denial and we broke up.   I never blamed Valerie.  I think we as women should always blame the man who was supposed to love and respect us and not the other woman.  Sure, it was hard not to hate her because she was skinnier, prettier and stole my boyfriend, but I was able to take solace in the fact that after reading their email exchange, she didn’t understand the appropriate use of the words “their,” “there,” and “they’re.”  Pretty and dumb may be a good look now, but beauty fades and then you’re just left with a dim woman still working on her associate’s degree in art 22 years later.

After my breakup, my friends encouraged me to try dating.  Being unaware of how to even start such a foreign activity, they suggested that I try online dating.   And in the fall of 2009, I created my first online dating profile on EHarmony.  From the beginning, my goal was to impress any prospective suitors with an attractive, yet honest profile that captured the real me.  I agonized over which picture to use on my profile because I knew that 99.9 percent of the men do not read when there are pictures involved.  I finally decided on a picture of me in my 2009 Halloween costume in which I dressed up as Kate Gosselin from TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus Eight.”  Being a dating novice, I assumed that any man would look at this picture and instantly be attracted to its representation of fertility and emasculation.  Apparently I was wrong.  After two weeks I didn’t receive any “winks” or messages, which surprised me since I thought for sure the remaining 0.1 percent of men who would actually read my profile description would instantly fall in love with me.

My EHarmony Profile:

Fun gal with a lot to say.  Bring your listening ears because I’d love to call you repeatedly throughout the day until you finally answer so that I can go into great detail explaining to you why I’m mad at a certain girlfriend (which girlfriend varies from week to week).  I am extremely sensitive and moody, but very good at Tetris.  I have adult ADHD and enjoy reading the first 25 pages of many different books in the same day while jumping from cushion to cushion on the couch.  I love animals and waking up multiple times each night to make sure the oven is turned off.  Even though I have an electric stove, one can never be too careful when it comes to gas leaks.  I’m very loyal and avoid red flags.  I’m willing to overlook your infidelity for up to eight years so that I don’t have to kill bugs, cook for myself or live alone.  I love animals and watching myself cry in the mirror.  I’ve been told that I look most attractive when having a panic attack and am willing to share my meds.  For a good time, call another girl.  For a mediocre time and someone who will be tweeting throughout the date, call me.

My two unsuccessful weeks on EHarmony made me swear off dating forever.  Instead I would just wait for a suitor to find me and sure enough, he did.  Two years later we are still dating and I am thankful to have a boyfriend whom I can trust.  I am also thankful that he never read my EHarmony profile.   Also, I would like to think that my experiences as a serial monogamist could possibly help other women out there who find themselves stuck or trapped in a bad relationship.

Here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way:

• If he offers to buy your hot friend a DVD player when her DVD player breaks, RUN!
• If he gives shoulder massages to any other girl in front of you – immediately add his name to the website – DontDateHimGirl.com
• If he wears True Religion jeans and a t-shirt with a blazer over it, do what the PETA people do – throw red paint at him and run away.
• If he ever expresses interest in visiting Amsterdam…alone, go to your doctor immediately and get checked out.
• If his ears are gauged, but he refuses to go above a zero gauge because he doesn’t want to permanently stretch his earlobes, leave now.  This just shows a total lack of commitment.  Stopping at a zero gauge is like jumping into a marathon during the last two miles just so that you can get your picture taken crossing the finish line.  Go big or go to your mom’s house.
• If he has a faux hawk and wears aviator sunglasses, it’s too late to try to change him.  He’s on the dark side of the Force now.  Next he’ll start bragging about “bottle service” and his leased Beamer will be repossessed.
• If he has a barbed wire tattoo anywhere on his body, you shouldn’t have started dating him in the first place.
• If he spends over $500 getting a tattoo across his chest that reads: Love, Trust, Happiness – he will give you none of those things.  Breakup with him immediately!  Especially if after getting this expensive tattoo, he complains about having to take you to Ruby Tuesday for the unlimited salad bar.
• If he claims that the reason he hasn’t put that he is in a relationship with you on his Facebook profile is because he can’t figure out how to do so, accidentally bury his laptop in your cat’s litter box.  If you don’t have a cat, run it through the dishwasher and then claim that you Googled, How to change my relationship status on Facebook and that is what it advised you to do.

Be careful out there.  Thanks for reading!

Skip the Online Dating, Let’s Get Married!

Youpid, a self funded startup founded by entrepreneur Ruchika Abbi in Mumbai, India, takes the old concept of arranged marriages into the high tech era.  This site is solely dedicated to your single minded pursuit of finding a marriage partner and doesn’t even allude to the possibility of just a little casual dating first.  This may make perfect sense in India, the land of arranged marriages and powerful family values, but may come across as a little too forward as it comes to the United States.

The idea is to use your social friend network you’ve already built on Facebook or other sites to jumpstart your Youpid network.  Of course there are “friends” and there are “Facebook friends.”  How much personal information do you really want to share in your quest to settle down?

Unlike traditional online dating, Youpid requires you to actively involve your social network friends in your dating…or “matrimonial” process.  There are two basic profiles to select, “cupids” and “singles.”

Cupids join solely to become matchmakers for their friends but the features are fairly limited.  It’s more of a passive role as they can only introduce friends when asked to do so by other members.

Singles join for the more obvious reason of looking for love everlasting in the hope their friends will hook them up.  You send out invitations to join your Youpid network and hope people will accept either as a “single” or a “cupid.”

Currently you can’t change between cupid and single without changing your email.  On the other hand, if you find yourself suddenly single you may be inclined to do that anyway.  Incidentally, creating multiple accounts violates Youpid’s terms of service.

It’s free to join Youpid while it’s still in beta (testing phase) and they’re ironing out the bugs.  Youpid claims not to share or misuse all the personal information they will collect from you and they promise to “strive to cancel your account” within a week or so if you email them with a request to do so.  Maybe not fast enough if your newly found marriage partner is prone to jealousy.

Youpid doesn’t raid your email list or friends list and automatically spam them without your permission, which is a good thing as most of us don’t regularly screen our contacts or Facebook friends list, but Youpid will be more than happy to let you send out invitations to anyone you wish.  Just be aware that once you turn your social networking site into your personal dating database it may affect your friend count.

Youpid takes an old concept of meeting your future spouse through friendly introductions and matches it to modern technology.  It’s not necessarily something you can’t do without the aid of the Youpid software but it certainly makes it easier and makes your intentions clearer.  Despite what your ultimate goals in online dating may be, a little tweaking of the premise from a matrimonial site down to a dating or matchmaking concept would go a long way to making Youpid more culturally acceptable here in the western world.

So You Want to Win your Ex Back?

Or do you?

 

If you’ve recently suffered a break up you may be teetering on the hope of reuniting with your loved one.  Despite the fact that your relationship has ended you may be looking to re-connect with your ex.  You may be wondering how can I get him back.  It’s not as hard as you might think but I implore you to evaluate before proceeding.

Why did your relationship end in the first place?  Before trying to win back an ex step back and understand what caused your relationship to change.  Did you become complacent in your relationship?  Were you authentic from the beginning or were you trying to become someone you weren’t in order to avoid being alone?  Relationships sometimes have a shelf life and re-engaging may not be in your best interest.

Think long and hard as to why your relationship ended and realistically assess whether you really want your ex back or whether you just don’t want to be alone.  If after your assessment you still decide you want your ex back here are some tips that really work.

1. No Contact – Don’t call, text or plead with your ex.  These are normal reactions but actually kill your chances of winning back your ex.  Don’t panic, calm down and realize that if you don’t put some distance between you and your ex you will solidify the break up.  Remember don’t call text, Facebook or go to his familiar haunts.  If you don’t follow this most important tip you may anger you ex to the point of no return.  Give yourself at least 30 days before you contact your ex.
2. Reality Check – Spend some time evaluating your life without the relationship.  Spend some time on you.  Exercise, get healthy, and start developing hobbies and interest outside of men and relationships.  Commit to having a life for yourself and spend more time with your girlfriends.  Men want to contribute to your happiness but don’t want to be responsible for it.  Evaluate the quality of the relationship by removing the emotional elements and look solely at the facts.  Do a pro’s and cons’s list and see which list is longer.  If after careful reflection you decide the relationship is worth salvaging then move onto tip 3.
3. Get your Ex back - In order to move forward and get your relationship back on track you will need to bring back attraction, romance and connection.  You will have to renew his feelings of desirability and love.  Dating other people casually is a way to make your ex realize what he is missing.  It is also a great way to boost your confidence and take your mind off your ex.  It shows your ex that your are confident, desirable and ready to move on (In other words— it totally ups your stock).
4. Take your time - Enjoy your life and commit to taking it slow and remember when you believe in yourself others will too.  A Big smile and self-confidence is sexier than any Victoria Secret lingerie you put on.  People love to be around people who are low maintenance and make them feel better about themselves.

Breakups are always hard, especially if you have been with someone for a long time.  If you proceed with these steps you stand a good chance to win your ex back.  Please make sure you want them back for the right reasons.  Being alone can be hard but you just may find what you have been searching for… the real you.

Body Language is Crucial for Dating

It’s surprising how many people forget when dating that 79 precent of all communication is non verbal.  When you go out on a date do you know what your body is communicating to the opposite sex?  Here are a few tips that will make you appear more confident in the dating scene.

Appropriate Eye Contact

Making eye contact with your date is crucial to appearing confident, but eye contact must be done correctly.  If you avoid eye contact it will make you appear nervous, scared, and possibly not trustworthy.  If you gaze at someone you’ve just met for more than ten seconds it may come across as a stalker stare and it make your date feel uncomfortable.  Making eye contact with someone during a conversation is essential but just don’t continually stare without occasionally looking away.

Smile

Flashing your pearly whites is a powerful way to put people at ease.  Studies have shown that more than just babies are attracted to people who smile.  Have you ever noticed how some people can light up a room with a smile?  A smile is your most important accessory as it conveys confidence, warmth and approachability.  Smiling has also been shown to reduce your personal stress and elevate your mood and smiling at someone almost always causes them to smile back.

Don’t Fidget

Nothing says fear and lack of self confidence than fidgeting.  Some common fidgeting habits to avoid are shaking your leg, tapping your fingers, twirling your hair or other fidgety movements.  Kind of like that person in the office who drinks too much coffee.  Fidgeting is a turn-off to a potential mate.

Don’t Cross Your Arms

Keeping your body locked up like Fort Knox will keep you from a second date.  Don’t cross your arms as that can make you appear guarded or competitive.  Leaning back in your chair with arms unfolded makes you appear to be relaxed.

Don’t Slouch

Slouching forward can make you look lazy and unconfident.  Make a point of standing up straight or sitting tall with your back straight as it will make you appear to be more confident even when you may not be.  At the same time try to relax when you stand or sit and not tense up as being too rigid will just make you appear scared or nervous.

Making a conscious effort to control these simple habits will allow you to reap great benefits when it comes to your love life, your self confidence, and even your health.  Always be aware of your body language even when not on a date as you never know who may be watching.  It could just be the one.

Avoiding the Friend Zone

We’ve all been there – when you like a guy who treats you like one of the guys or who treats you like his kid sister.  You have a strong friendship and bond but you really want more.  How do you get him to take notice and avoid the friend zone?  Here are a few strategies to help you get noticed and avoid the “just friends” fate, and get him to see you in a different light.

 

Get Him Alone

Getting your guy alone is the first step towards changing his preconceived notions about you.  Ask him out for a drink or have him come to your house for assistance of some kind such as leaking faucet, computer issues or some other issues.  The key here is to get him alone away from others who help keep you stereo typed in that friend zone.  One-on-one time with your guy will give him the opportunity to view you in a different light.

Stand out

It’s important to stand out when you are in your group so that he will view you as something special.  Make an extra effort on your hair, make-up and wardrobe, it’s important for him to view you differently.  Put on your sparkle, speak up, smile and laugh, make yourself the center of attention.  Make yourself effortless and fun to be with.  Set yourself apart from the group and let him see your personality come through.  Do things that allow him to see your talents and skill sets.  Show your sense of humor and bring some levity to your relationship.  Make a concentrated effort to stand out in a flattering light.

Find a Common Bond

Finding a common bond is crucial to a relationship.  Opposites may attract but eventually they will repel.  The more bonds you have in common the better chance you have as a couple.  Couples that play together stay together.  Enjoy hobbies together such as hiking, biking and traveling.  The more you can find in common, the easier it will be to create a bond that goes beyond where you both work or what group of friends you hang out with.

Get your Flirt On

You may have to step up your game when it comes to flirting as he has seen you in a different light.  Some guys need a two by four across the head to get your point across.  You can only hope he notices you for so long before you need to up the ante and use your best moves on him. Touch his arm, laugh at his jokes and do everything you can to make it seem like the two of you have a special connection. Changing your wardrobe and hair and body language will definitely make you stand out and get his attention.

 Confess your feelings

The last resort may be that you have to tell him how you feel.  You have to be prepared for the consequences however, there may be a risk that he may not share your feelings and wants to stand in the “Friends Zone.”  It could also be the bold move he needed to be sure that he was picking up the right signals as he might have been confused and afraid.  It’s a bold move but it will give you both clarity and help you to move forward.

 

Gone Fishing

I’m single and I’ve found the older I get the more selective I become. I am seriously sick of going on date after date, feeling my sanity ripped from me one cheesy pick up line at a time. So I’ve jumped on the online dating bandwagon, not by choice but out of necessity. I fear I am one bad date away from becoming “that girl” You know the one who keeps to herself, eats gallons of ice cream, home alone on a Friday night while knitting sweaters for her six cats. I refuse, I am far too fabulous for that life.

Online dating is like a beautiful train wreck. It is the incredibly bizarre married to a significant confidence booster. I’ve been called pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, insanely hot, sexy (ew) and an “angel that fell from heaven” (puke) I’m feeling really great about my physical appearance. I’m totally vain now and I feel as though I’ve got it goin’ on! (sarcasm at it’s finest, folks) This may shock you but I’ve received over 300 emails in 24 hours! Most of which, sucked. Only 2 men have caught my eye with their witty attempt to pique my interest. I’ve taken the liberty and jotted down a few “suggestions” for the men that may be reading this. I would highly recommend taking this into consideration and forwarding this little nugget of insanely valuable information to your man friends. This could help with all avenues of dating, not just for the internet super highway.

- Make sure to spell everything correctly on your profile. I’m a writer, so I probably pay more attention to spelling and grammar than most people, but I feel that you appear incredibly uneducated if you can’t spell correctly. If you’re not even paying enough attention to detail to proofread your online dating profile, then how are you going to pay adequate enough attention to a partner? Just a thought.

- Men, write something of substance when initiating a first contact email with a woman. If your subject line says “hi” or “hello” I’m going to assume that you’re boring and lack creativity. In which case, I’m not interested. Simply emailing to say “What’s up” is not acceptable. I don’t want to be approached like one of your bro’s. I’m a lady and you should treat me as such. If you’re asking me if I want to meet in you in your first email…the answer is “HELL NO!” We know absolutely nothing about each other! I’m going to make an educated guess and assume you’re either just wanting to have sex or kill me…perhaps both. Either way, it’s not going to happen. I feel like this is common sense, but you never know.

- Don’t send me an email just to tell me that all vegetarian chicks have issues. This is why you’re single and probably has a lot to do with why you’re on an online dating website. I’m assuming this is also why your profile says “I guess I’m back.” Really, weird…because you’re such a dynamic person! NOT. If you’re concerned about something in a woman’s profile, then don’t initiate contact with her. This is also known as a “Red Flag.” I don’t feel the need to elaborate further.

- Airing your dirty sexual laundry in “public” is super creepy. Writing about your specific fetish that happens to be incredibly freaking creepy is…well, incredibly freaking creepy. I get that you’re warning us before we get involved in a conversation with you, but WOW. Don’t they have specific fetish websites for this? This particular individual also requests that his lady friend not have any guy friends, will only spend her time with him, never drink a drop of alcohol (this where I started laughing), live with him right away, and never leave his side. Good luck, buddy. Somewhere out there is an insecure, super codependent girl with daddy issues, who has your name written all over her…literately, she will most likely tattoo your name on her body. Whew, I’m glad I dodged that bullet.

- Calling me sexy before we’ve done the nasty is considered an indignity, or so it is in my eyes. I am more than just a rockin’ body with awesome boobs and a great ass (I told you, online dating has made me vain). If you don’t know me, approach me with respect. Women have been singing about this for years, men. Get a clue.

- The bathroom mirror, cell phone photo, with your shirt off is great (not), but try to post some pictures that aren’t a blatant display of your results from “The Situations” work out plan. Also, if all of your pictures are clearly taken by you then I am going to go ahead and assume you have no friends, thus having no real life. Let your personality shine through in your picture selection. I want to see a guy who is dynamic and has a wide array of interest…and friends. I can’t commit to a guy who no friends. Stage 5 clinger, anyone?

Still wading. . .