Are you mad at me?

“Are you mad at me?” is one of the most common questions that couples ask one another. This classic question dates back to Prehistoric times. It was first uttered by a Tyrannosaurus Rex when he was afraid that his Brontosaurus wife was upset with him.

Of course he didn’t ask this question out loud and in English; that would be ridiculous. He wrote it with a rock on the wall of their love cave, which was later found by the Romans and translated by Marie Antoinette before she died of a red velvet cupcake overdose. And that ladies and gentleman, is your history and science lesson for the day.

As you can tell, history and science are not my strong suits. Sure, I took both classes at the prestigious University of Wisconsin…River Falls, but at that time, I had undiagnosed ADD and spent most classes feverishly shaking my leg under my desk, thinking about the scrapbooks I would never finish, doodling in my notebook in a desperate attempt to finally master the art of drawing a successful 3D cube and being distracted by a classmate whom I had a crush on.

I liked staring at his feet. He wore Converse tennis shoes and tied his shoe laces around his ankles. At the time, I thought his shoe lace placement was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I imagined that he did this in order to rebel against an oppressive world led by Fred Rogers and his “Neighborhood” – a world of obsessive compulsive patterns that conditioned us to believe that we could only feel whole if upon entering our homes each day, we sang a song begging people to be our neighbors while putting on a cardigan sweater and the same pair of blue tennis shoes that we tied the “right way.”

From the ankles down, he was living off the grid and raging against a machine of societal norms that were forced upon children of the 70′s and 80′s by public television. His rebellious nature and passion for being the change he wanted to see in the world, was intoxicating.

Sadly, ten years later, this passion is gone. From the looks of his Facebook page, he’s given up the fight. He’s married now. Everyone’s married. And in holy matrimony one must tie his or her shoes the “right way.”

I often wonder why we ask a question we already know the answer to. If you have to ask a person if they are mad at you, they most likely are. This question is most commonly asked during a disagreement, after you’ve said something inconsiderate or after you are caught cyberstalking the boy you had a crush on in college.

This question is never asked during a picnic in the park on a sunny spring day while the two of you blissfully ponder the names of your future children. Instead it’s asked while sitting in a 98 Honda Civic in the drive-thru line at Arby’s after he’s given you the silent treatment for the past 5 miles because you woke him up at five in the morning to express how hurt you are that he gave you the “Way to have no self-control, fatty” look after you finished an entire pizookie during dinner.

You then wouldn’t let him go back to sleep until he assured you that the giant cookie skillet you inhaled in less than two minutes was actually quite small and that it was probably only 100 calories since you saved a corner piece for him. Sure, he didn’t eat that piece, you did, but the offer was given.

Then you locked yourself in the bathroom and cried until he demanded you open the door or he was leaving forever. In this case, there is no reason to ask, “Are you mad at me?” It’s safe to assume that he is.

His silence speaks volumes and the fact that six hours later you are now in line at Arby’s is definitely a sign that you are both eating your feelings.

So in the spirit of my once rebellious and progressive college crush, I am going to attempt NOT to ask such an obvious question in my relationship.

Instead I will assume that he is definitely mad when I make him an hour late to every function we attend due to my procrastination and the fact that I still believe that I can “be ready in five minutes.”

In lieu of asking this question, I will apologize, promise to work on my lack of time perception and offer to buy him Arby’s.

TRUtalk with Leslee Alexander Gibbs

“You can find love if you open your heart to the possibilities.”

Leslee Alexander Gibbs is the founder of TRUmatch, the top matchmaking firm in AZ, and is considered an expert in the field of dating, relationships and LOVE!  Join Leslee as she shares with you her lessons in life; her reflections on the past and vision for the future.  With you, she will uncover the mysteries of what men really want and give you the insight you need to understand women.

“Love is my passion and I am proud to share with you my thoughts, my heart and my words… I call it TRUtalk.” - Leslee Alexander Gibbs

Visit MyTRUmatch.com for more information.

Dear TRUtalk,

I have been single for more than 5 years and it is growing old. I want to have a life partner but it is so difficult to meet a good man. My girlfriend and I go out all the time but never seem to meet anyone. Am I doing something wrong? Where can I go to meet a quality guy?

Dear “Fiver,”

It does not matter where you go to meet a man, what does matter is how you approach it. You can have a huge change in your results by making a slight change in your behavior. Here are  3 secrets to get you noticed:

• When you “go out with the girls,” choose a place that lends itself to an after work crowd.

• Do not sit down in the main dining area. Stay in a neutral location (patio, lounge, etc.) that is a high traffic area.

• Last but most importantly, keep yourself open! Do not get so engaged in “girl talk” that you appear closed off to your surroundings. Make eye contact with people (men AND women) as they enter the room. Give them a gentle smile. This gets you noticed as being friendly and open. Get up from the table occasionally, making yourself available to conversation and take an opportunity to initiate conversation when possible.

Too often a “girls night out” turns into a quiet dinner and intimate conversation – reserve those moments for dates. A night out with friends should be fun and engaging- change your objective and you will change your results!

 

Dear TRUtalk,

“I recently met a guy and we totally connect–physically, intellectually…totally mutual…everything is great. But there’s one problem…he is nearly 40 and wants to have a child of his own…but I feel like that part of my life is done. Is there any way around such a problem? Even if we split, there’s no telling if he or I will meet someone as compatible…Can a dealbreaker become a dealmaker?”

Dear Compatible,

I work with individuals each day on determining what they are looking for in a match. Each person has their own “must haves” that are important in their dating lives. Having children or wanting to have children is one of the most important decisions you can make in your adult life. To say that you are compatible with someone in every way except on one of the most important core issues makes you not compatible.  If you move forward with the relationship it would become such a source of frustration and, ultimately, heartbreak for both of you that I say walk away while you still can. You might not find someone as compatible as you are together but I am confident you will find someone who shares your future vision and that is more important.

Safety in Numbers

 

I have learned that there is safety in numbers.

And it’s not just safety from abductors and those scary mall kiosk sales people, but most importantly social safety. Social safety is crucial when hanging out with a group of females. You NEVER want to be the one who strays from the group…even for a second.

If you’re out and have to use the restroom, you bring one or all. Increasing the number of people you bring along with you, lowers your chances of them talking behind your back once you’re gone.

And more often than not, that conversation will be negative. One of two scenarios will play out if you should decide to lone ranger it away from the group.

 

1) (Best case scenario) The group won’t mention you at all. They will merely watch you walk away and then make some silent judgment about you.

or

2) They will immediately begin negatively talking about you.

I was reminded of this female phenomenon while at the Mall of America last Tuesday night. I was walking parallel, but a little behind four women who appeared to be in their early 20’s. I kept a bit of distance between myself and them in order to secretly observe them.

They were laughing loudly and would occasionally give other females walking past full body scans with their eyes. As they judged those in front of them, I was judging them from the side. I kept following them. I wasn’t particularly proud to be stalking a group of cackling young women who I assumed were on their way to Wet Seal, but I had already committed and there seemed to be no going back.

Stalking them took me back to when I was in my early 20’s. I hated that time in my life because I was what can best be described as – the worst. I was an insecure mess who projected those feelings onto those around me. I was an awkward, emotional, gossipy know-it-all who drank too much. When I think back to those years, the Tegan and Sara song, “You wouldn’t like me” comes to mind.

Had my life been a television show at that time, the opening credits would have been me walking down the street sobbing while the song played:

“There’s a war inside of me

Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song

Do I push it down or let it run me right into the wind

And I- I feel like I wouldn’t like me if I met me

Well I can’t stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound

And you haven’t called me in weeks and honestly it’s bringing me down

Oh I- I feel like I wouldn’t like me if I met me

I- I feel like you wouldn’t like me if you met me.”

When the group stopped and sat at a table in the food court, I sat at the table next to them. I looked down at my phone in attempt to hide the fact that I was eavesdropping. One of the girls strayed from the pack and into the Chipotle. It took only a few seconds for them to begin talking about her.

“Can we just for a second talk about how Emma can’t go to Vegas because she can’t seem to get her sh*t together,” stated the tallest, blondest and tannest of the group.

Based on her stature and initiation of the trash-talking, I quickly came to the conclusion that she was the leader. The other girls nodded their heads in agreement and responded with, “I know. She’s a mess.” The leader continued, “I mean one DUI is normal, but two? That’s just gross.”

Her minions again agreed. I felt like I was watching an episode of MTV’s Daria. It was as if I was watching the real life characters of Quinn, Tiffany and infamous, Sandi bad-mouth Stacey, their “friend” and fellow Fashion Club member.

“And now she’s eating again!?! That’s the last thing she should be doing.”

The girls again agreed with the leader as I texted myself their conversation. I justified my spying by telling myself that I was simply doing research for work. I needed to observe, judge, record and then write in my column about what I had just heard. It was my comedic duty.

As soon as Emma returned to the table, the girls invited her back into the group and continued on as if nothing was ever said.

“Your burrito bowl smells delicious,” the leader said as they watched Emma eat.

I would like to think that as we grow older, women grow out of this behavior, but we don’t. As we age, we just become better at it. It becomes an art form. A ballet of words as we dance across the stage of passive aggressive perfection. As we get older we aren’t as blunt or obvious.

Before we say anything, we begin with a seemingly nice introductory phrase such as, “I’m not judging her, but” and “I’m only saying this out of love” or my favorite, “I’m not trying to be mean, but.” Whenever a sentence begins with any of these phrases, you can be sure that something negative or mean is about to follow.

I was recently in a group of women in their 40’s and 50’s who began talking about a “friend” once she left the room. As soon as the door closed, one of the women said, “I’m not trying to be mean, but her butt looks like it’s eating her pants. She just needs to wear clothes that suit her body.”

Translation: She’s fat. I’m not as fat. And calling her out for looking fat makes me feel better about crushing an entire bag of sour cream and onion chips while watching “The Bachelor” last night.

I wish I could tell you that I stood up and said, “That’s not nice! She’s your friend. You should be ashamed of yourself for saying such an awful thing,” but I didn’t. I just sat there and uncomfortably smiled. These women are older and I haven’t had the best track record with older chicks. And there is only one person to blame for this – Beth and her “pool.”

It was the summer of 1992. I was 12 years old and a member of the Parkway Angels softball team. I was the youngest player on the team. All of the other girls were two to three years older than me. I desperately wanted to fit in with them. The oldest, coolest and tannest of the group, Beth walked over to me after our last game of the season.

Everyone was in a good mood because we had just beat the Panthers. The Panthers were the number one team in our three team league. The Angels and the Panthers had a long-standing rivalry that dated all the way back to 1990. The third team in our league – The Hornets lost every game. If you were picked to be on the Hornets, you cried and then tried to fake mono so that you could sit out until the next draft.

As Beth walked toward me, the rest of the girls followed. She asked me if I wanted to play a “really fun game” with her. She had ignored me all season and now she was talking to me. I couldn’t believe it. So of course I agreed to play the game. She asked me to hold out my hand with my palm facing up.

She then said, “This is your house” as she outlined a box on my palm with her finger. She then asked a series of questions like where I would like my kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedroom. With my free hand, I pointed to where within the box I would like all these rooms to be.

She used her finger to outline small circles for each imaginary room. Finally she asked, “Where would you like your swimming pool?” I paused and then pointed to the back of the imaginary house that she built on my hand. She smiled at me. I still couldn’t believe she was talking to me and now she was smiling. Be still my wannabe popular heart!

I smiled back and that’s when she spit on the spot where my imaginary pool was supposed to go. And it wasn’t just girl spit. It was softball player spit. Thick, nasty and from her nasal cavity. Beth and the other girls laughed and then walked away as I stood there alone with the most popular girl’s spit on my hand. It’s a moment I will never forget and one that shaped the way I interact with “the older girls.”

When the “butt-eating her pants” woman returned, the group welcomed her back as if nothing had happened. Feeling uncomfortable, I sat on my hands for protection. The conversation switched to a “friend” of theirs who was having an affair with a married man. I continued to smile and was the last one to leave the group that night.

Teen Dating and Warning Signs of Abuse

When we first start dating around the age of 16, we are not mature enough to know potential signs of abuse in a relationship. We are usually very excited that someone is attracted to us and wants to take us on a date. We dress up and look forward to this new experience. If you come from a healthy home environment then sometimes it can be difficult to be aware of the fact that this date might want to hurt you. We are usually in “lust” not love because we have not yet experienced real love.

These are the warning signs;

• Gets serious too fast and may tell you that they love you.
• Checks up on you through e-mails, text messages, Facebook, etc.
• Acts jealous or possessive of your other friendships or relationships with your family members.
• Tries to isolate you from people and doesn’t want to share.
• Can be very bossy or controlling. He or she wants to make all the decisions for you and not listen to your feelings.
• This person may have unpredictable moods and you worry about how to react with him or her.
• Your friends warn you and so does your family about this person
• This date will blame you for making him or her mad and not look at their behavior.
• This date may be using drugs or alcohol as an excuse for their abuse.
• This date will pressure you for sex even if you say no.
• This date will always apologize for their behavior if they hurt you physically or emotionally by buying flowers or a gift.

If you experience any of these signs then break up immediately.  Make sure you tell someone like a teacher, counselor, or parent what is happening. Let your trusted friend know where you are at all times. Do not break up in an isolated place. Try to have a friend or someone around that could help you if they are abusive. Keep a cell phone on for a crisis code word for your family or friend if you are in danger. Break up in a public place. Make sure you change your routine around since they will know it. Never get back together even if they say they changed and got help.

These are suggestions from experts on the cycle of violence and domestic violence.

If our parents live this life, then you are also repeating the same pattern because its familiar, but you don’t have too with the right information and knowledge. The next article will be about healthy relationships.

Do You Think She’s Prettier Than Me?

I’ve been guilty of doubting my past and current boyfriend’s interest/love for me when I see him glance the way of a woman who I deem to be a more attractive than me. My mind will swell with scenarios like:

I bet he wishes I looked more like her.

I knew I shouldn’t have cut my hair so short. He probably thinks he’s dating a guy now.

He would probably propose to me if I were Puerto Rican.

Ugh, look at that super skinny girl. I bet her legs have never rubbed against each other while walking around PetSmart trying to find her cat some soft food with 40 percent protein because she cares more about her cat’s diet than her own. 

Last week, I even caught myself getting upset after seeing that my boyfriend liked a photo of a hotter woman on Instagram. I immediately wished for her to catch some incurable disease that would give her the speaking voice of Miley Cyrus and the face of a pug. After fifteen minutes of studying her flawless skin (thanks to the Valencia filter) and the flattering “above the head” camera angle she used, which showcased what we were supposed to believe was “accidental” cleavage, I realized that I was acting like a 13-year-old girl. I turned off my phone and immediately uninstalled Instagram. That is until I reinstalled it 7 minutes later. I think the active ingredient in Instagram is nicotine.

These kind of physical insecurities are annoying and irrational yet common for many women I’ve spoken with. And after much research (3 minutes of Google searches), I think I know who’s to blame – The Pussycat Dolls. Sure, they are no longer a band due to their realization that they do in fact hate cats and that their lead singer suffered from a doll phobia, but their anti-feminist sentiment lives on in their most popular song, “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me.” When I first heard this song all I could think was, “Don’t you wish creating crappy music caused rapid weight gain? Don’t cha?”

Guys are always going to check out other women. They are extremely visual beings. Unfortunately, we have yet to invent a magical device that allows women to control their significant other’s eye sight. I’m thinking something along the lines of invisible fencing for your man-friend’s eyes. Every time he veers off the sight line of his lady-friend and onto that of a more attractive female, he is zapped right back into focal monogamy. However, if we deem the woman he is checking out to be less attractive than us, we reward him by remaining tear-free for one whole day. We then smile at him in an alluring way and bask in the glory of superficial superiority over our fellow female. And that my friends, is true feminism.

In my rational mind, I realize that my boyfriend is never going to leave me for that extremely hot girl he was checking out at Yogurtini on Sept 23rd at 7:18 pm – because he can’t. She’s too attractive. Nothing against him, he’s adorable, but in life we tend to date our aesthetic equals. Both of us may never be bikini-ready, but we look fantastic in hoodies. Sure there are those situations where the model-looking gal is dating/married to a far less attractive man, but those relationships are usually based on money, more money, pill addictions, absentee fathers and/or body dysmorphic disorder.

Since I have been thinking about my own insecurities and the way they affect the stability of my mind and relationship, I have come up with some great ways to increase your self-esteem and thus build up immunity to the hot women with dent-free legs and toned triceps who plague this world.

1. Look in the mirror at least once a day and pick one thing you like about yourself. Yesterday, I stood looking at myself in the mirror with a towel over my head for an hour and finally realized that I really liked that I decided to pay the extra $3.00 for the softer towel at Target. It really felt good against my adult acne-prone skin.

2. When a more attractive woman crosses your path, just think to yourself, “Oh that poor woman. It must be awful constantly using your and you’re incorrectly on Facebook.” “OMG Sandy! Your so funny!” – I imagine she left this comment when her “funny” friend shared a meme that George Takei posted. “Oh so you created this Willy Wonka meme. You must be a really creative person.”

3. Cut the tags out of your clothes. That way, with enough denial, you can convince yourself that every top/blouse/ or muumuu you own is a size extra small from the petite section of Baby Gap.

4. When you are feeling ugly, just layer on the scarves. If you wear enough scarves, no one will even know you’re there.

5. Buy yourself a no-slam toilet seat. Nothing distracts negative thoughts like watching your toilet seat cover take fifteen minutes to close.

6. Lie to yourself regularly. Here are some lies that I tell myself in order to feel better (temporarily):

• I would so much rather be pretty on the inside than on the outside.
• I don’t want guys looking at me because they think I’m attractive. I want them to respect me for my excellent parallel parking skills
• I don’t need to get Invisalign. I just need more lipstick. The brighter the lips, the straighter the teeth.
• Single digit sizes are so overrated. I would much rather spend my time pinning DIY photo pendants on Pinterest. I then sit at home and take Google images of cute children and add them to each pendant and sleep with them under my pillow thereby increasing the likelihood that my future baby will be gorgeous.

And if none of my above tips/tricks work for you or decrease your insecurities and your man-friend/husband still has a wandering eye, stop brushing your teeth and invite your mom to move in with you guys. Revenge is a dish best served smelly and annoying.

 

Team Building | Friendships in the Office Space

Team Building is what every company wants to do or should do no matter what your budget is. Whether you have a team building event once a year, every quarter or monthly, the need to have your employees feeling good about what they do and who they work for is imperative.

Most team building activities are used to improve productivity, motivate or enhance creativity. From an employee standpoint it shows that the company cares. Escaping from the cubicle or desk is a breath of fresh air and helps to build friendship in the office space. Well, one of the best things to do is get creative! There have been plenty of articles and books written on team building activities. When I was in the banking industry we used to have our internal HR department create these team activities and they were fun for the most part.

Of course things have changed. Outings are great, zip-lining, scavenger hunts – the activities are endless. What is it that you are trying to achieve? Instead of the same old meeting or bar hangout, try something different where everyone can participate! Make sure no one is left out and always leave the office grounds. When we have mental blocks, we need a creative outlet like painting. It is amazing that someone who has never painted before or has the stigma of “making stick figures” can create a work of art. Laughter fills the room at the Me The Artist studio when you have managers and their employees roll up their sleeves and paint away. Laughter is a mechanism that releases endorphins, the brain’s “feel good” chemicals.

So try your hand at painting for your next team building event and contact Me The Artist where there is plenty of laughter to be had.

 

Checklist for Dating in Your Twenties

As a student in my twenties people often question my relationship status over cups of coffee. It is simply a natural question that is normal for friends and acquaintances to inquire on, but for some reason when I say the horrible ‘s word’ (single) I instantly wish I could take it back. If I say that I am single I feel them look at me with sympathy like I am extremely lonely or desperately searching for a sole mate. Honestly though, I am so beyond happy at the point I am at right now that I am the furthest from being alone. I always try to explain that I am not ignoring the world of dating, but I am simply not actively pursuing a serious relationship at the time.

Now, that doesn’t mean I sit at home on the weekends scouring through fashion blogs, though I do tend to do this on occasion, I feel that I have a promising social and dating life as a young adult beginning to create a life and career of my own.

I love meeting new people and going out with new guys, but of course I have myself a little checklist that must be met within the first few dates or else he is a no-go. And no, this isn’t a checklist for marriage, but more or less for if I even see us being compatible enough to throughly enjoy our time together.

√  Educated - For me this is the biggest attribute a guy can offer. I don’t bring a sudoku on the first date and request him to finish it before we can order, but seeing that a guy has or is working towards a full education is vital to me. By education I don’t just mean book smarts though, as a journalism major is it imperative that he is also knowledgable on social issues and the present world around him. I feel that I work hard to continually improve my education and if the person I am in a relationship with is not willing to also work towards this, I have a hard time seeing us together down the road.

√  Respectful - This is also a huge attribute that I feel a guy should have. Along with a vast education, a guy must not only be respectful to me but also to the world around us. I feel that many guys are no only sexist but also quite rude today, and I can’t stand to be around that negative energy for more than a few minutes – so the possibility of a future for us as a couple would be extremely limited. Having mutual respect in a relationship is also a basis for trust to me, I feel that most guys that are respectful for women are also very trusting and this helps me to be able to fully trust them.

√  Ambitious - I would say this is the third largest attribute I search for in a man. I proud myself on being extremely ambitious in with my education and I am quite ambitious plans for my future, so for me if a guy is not equally ambitious there is no way it can work. I don’t want to say that he must be the CEO of a company, but I must be with someone who is constantly aspiring for more and dreams of being the best person he can be. I honestly wan the most out of life and I feel that unless the person I am dating is also interested in reaching for the stars then we cannot be in a relationship.

Ladies of the twenties, if you don’t have yourself a little checklist of compatibility I suggest you start one immediately. Even if you play the game a little bit off of your list, have a checklist to make sure you don’t cave on any of your relationship aspirations three months down the road – plus it can save you quite a lot of time!

 

Ten Again – Finding my Inner Child

Recently I was in a local bookstore, browsing while my little guy was looking for his latest read.  I stumbled across a book focusing on helping you get married within the year.  I giggled loud enough for people to glance my way.  Why would anyone want a legally binding contract with someone they barely knew, assuming the book wasn’t targeted at people already engaged or in a long relationship where marriage has been elusive?  I hesitated for a moment until curiosity got the best of me and I opened it.

I noticed the book recommended that you to get out there if you expect to meet someone.  Duh.  I flipped to the middle of the book and right to a chapter that talked about getting in touch with your inner ten year old.  Intrigued, I began to read.  Basically it talked about how to find out who you really are by thinking back to when you were ten years old.  What brought you joy? Utter genius!  My son came back and we left the store, but the idea stuck.

My youngest child is ten.  It’s such a magical age.  Still innocent, yet old enough to have a solid sense of self and the world at large.  So I thought back to when I was that age.

In the Summer, I loved to watch the boys play competitive baseball at the local park.  I spent every available hour outside playing with the neighborhood boys, riding my bike around town, and countless hours on my roller skates, and tumbling around the front yard.  At recess I flipped around and around on the monkey bars until the bell rang.  I hung out with the girls I had known since first grade, and we giggled and went on adventures.  I survived the awful Chicago winters by watching football with my dad and by reading.  Hours and hours and hours of reading.  I scored in the 99th percentile for reading and writing in Fifth grade.

During my marriage, I lost this girl.  I rarely spent time doing anything but working, cleaning, and taking care of kids.  I took up running in order to cope.  I never read, and I was addicted to cable news.  I was good at my job, but my career was a distant memory.  I forgot all about my dreams.

I have been single for over 4 years.  I am thrilled to tell you that my lost ten year old is back!  I instinctively returned to who I had always been!  I go to professional baseball games as often as I can.  I spend football season watching my favorite teams with anyone willing to sit with me.  I love to play with boys, ride my bike, and you can find my roller blades in the back of my truck.  I go to the gym and do handstands, pull ups, and balance work.  I cherish my girl friend time.  I READ again!  Fiction and nonfiction, there is always a stack of books by my bed.  And of course, I write.  A lot.

I am a responsible adult, yet my inner child is alive and well.  I wonder how far away people are from the ten year old that they were.  How much happier would you be if you took a few minutes and asked yourself what was important then.  How different are you really?  I didn’t grow up in the happiest household, but I remember what made me happy.  I remember what made the chaos bearable.

My guess is that JOY is pretty simple to find.  What made you happy then will make you happy now.  Does it matter if you want to get married or not?  I don’t remember wanting to be married at that age, but I remember the girls that did.  They were the ones who played with Barbie and Ken for hours.

Excuse me while I go spend some time outside in the sun!  It’s time to play for a while.

 

Ever Wish You Were Someone Else? Learn to be Content

Competition in the workplace and sports makes people better.

Competition in everyday life can make people bitter.

Why can’t we just run our own race?  Why can’t we work together to achieve prosperity, harmony, and community?  Why must we always size each other up, establish a social pecking order, and then spend valuable time and energy tearing each other down in order to make ourselves feel better?

We are commanded not to covet, yet we spend most of our waking hours comparing ourselves to others.  We fall short of our own expectations mainly because we are so wrapped up in someone else’s version of what makes life worth living.  Our self esteem is dependent on our bank account, what we wear, the car we drive, and where we live.  There is always someone who has more, to encourage our wasteful consumerism and drive us mad.

Everything is relative.  Woman process thoughts such as “she is prettier,” “she has a nicer body,” “she has a wealthy husband,” “her kids are perfect,” or “she seems to have no problems.”  Men process thoughts such as “He has a hot girlfriend,” “he has the nicer car,” “he has better toys,” “a bigger house,” or “a more lucrative career.”   Why do we romanticize others?  Perhaps the media has convinced us that to be happy we need more of everything.  As if there was a such thing as a perfect life!

Blessed is the individual who can stop and say, “My life is awesome. I may not have everything I want, but I have everything I need.”  Gratefulness leads to contentment.  Contentment creates harmony and balance.  Isn’t that what we really desire?

When you start to feel down because you believe you don’t measure up try some of these suggestions:

• Work each day on becoming the best you can be.
• Make decisions that are right for you and the ones you love.
• Focus on the beauty of the here and now.
• Consider all that you have and count your blessings daily.
• Catch yourself when you start to compare and ask yourself; “why does it matters how others are doing?”  Listen carefully to your own answers.

Saying the silent “thank you” when you wake up in the morning is quite possibly the best way to start your day.

Next time you find yourself wishing you were someone else for the things they have, stop for a moment and wonder what you may not see.  Perhaps that beautiful woman has a tragedy in her family.  Perhaps that rich husband is a horrible control freak.  Perhaps that big house is a few months from foreclosure.  Perhaps those perfect kids do drugs with their buddies.  Perhaps that financially successful person is spiritually bankrupt.   We can’t see behind the closed doors and we haven’t walked in the other persons shoes.  We view life through a lens tainted with our version of what is desirable.

So when you find yourself coveting, remember…

Perhaps they wish they were you!

Skip the Online Dating, Let’s Get Married!

Youpid, a self funded startup founded by entrepreneur Ruchika Abbi in Mumbai, India, takes the old concept of arranged marriages into the high tech era.  This site is solely dedicated to your single minded pursuit of finding a marriage partner and doesn’t even allude to the possibility of just a little casual dating first.  This may make perfect sense in India, the land of arranged marriages and powerful family values, but may come across as a little too forward as it comes to the United States.

The idea is to use your social friend network you’ve already built on Facebook or other sites to jumpstart your Youpid network.  Of course there are “friends” and there are “Facebook friends.”  How much personal information do you really want to share in your quest to settle down?

Unlike traditional online dating, Youpid requires you to actively involve your social network friends in your dating…or “matrimonial” process.  There are two basic profiles to select, “cupids” and “singles.”

Cupids join solely to become matchmakers for their friends but the features are fairly limited.  It’s more of a passive role as they can only introduce friends when asked to do so by other members.

Singles join for the more obvious reason of looking for love everlasting in the hope their friends will hook them up.  You send out invitations to join your Youpid network and hope people will accept either as a “single” or a “cupid.”

Currently you can’t change between cupid and single without changing your email.  On the other hand, if you find yourself suddenly single you may be inclined to do that anyway.  Incidentally, creating multiple accounts violates Youpid’s terms of service.

It’s free to join Youpid while it’s still in beta (testing phase) and they’re ironing out the bugs.  Youpid claims not to share or misuse all the personal information they will collect from you and they promise to “strive to cancel your account” within a week or so if you email them with a request to do so.  Maybe not fast enough if your newly found marriage partner is prone to jealousy.

Youpid doesn’t raid your email list or friends list and automatically spam them without your permission, which is a good thing as most of us don’t regularly screen our contacts or Facebook friends list, but Youpid will be more than happy to let you send out invitations to anyone you wish.  Just be aware that once you turn your social networking site into your personal dating database it may affect your friend count.

Youpid takes an old concept of meeting your future spouse through friendly introductions and matches it to modern technology.  It’s not necessarily something you can’t do without the aid of the Youpid software but it certainly makes it easier and makes your intentions clearer.  Despite what your ultimate goals in online dating may be, a little tweaking of the premise from a matrimonial site down to a dating or matchmaking concept would go a long way to making Youpid more culturally acceptable here in the western world.

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